The Phoenix. 2.

I am coming down to Phoenix. It's getting late. I check the map. The Grand Canyon. Should I take a look at it? Dice say yes. It's too dark. Where to stop? Flagstaff? What the hell is that? There are a couple of hostels there, though. Should I stop there? Dice say yes.
The Grand Canyon hostel is fine. I check in for the night. The guy at the desk is funny. A leprechaumish air. While going through the check in motions he farts. We all have to leave the room for a while. This is what I call a very good omen. His name is Meric. America with no A.
Two weeks have gone by. Day after day, I decide, it decides, she decides to stay one more night. I am changing. Someone takes a photo of me. I can't find there the sad man I was only a fortnight ago. I make friends. I do service. I try to connect through the love that Julieta taught me through our sixteen years of togetherness. I feel the love of the universe sorround me. I give love. But I am not in love. I can only be in love with Juli.
I promised to go to Phoenix, that was the sign. So I am reluctanly waiting for a new sign to move on. One night Meric moves me from room six, destiny, to room seven, sign. That night I can't sleep at all. A big black guy enters the room and turns the light on. I shout him to turn it off. He starts to mother fuck me in all possible ways. He is big, he is angry, I'm scared. He finally calms down, but I leave the room. Sleepless night. Why on earth did the godess sent me this guy? I have a special connection with the suffering peoples, jews, blacks, natives. This is a hard message. What did I did wrong?
I go outside for a smoke and out of the blue a native american comes and says hi! He offers me a beer. We drink. He is smooth. A cool guy. I tell him what happened with the black guy. He says: "I used to be an angry man like him. My father used to beat me badly. One day I fought back and beat him. I felt miserable. I went to my momm and ask her for help. She said that I had to go to the mountains and ask the spirits for help. The spirits are strong there, not here in the cities. But she warned me to go with an open heart."
This guy was soo cool, so sedative. It was hard to imagine him an angry man. So there's my sign, I said to myself. I'll go to Phoenix now, and look for the mountain for me, where I will ask for the spirits help. I have this pain and this fear in my heart. I don't want them.